close encounters

i was never one to pull rank. but yesterday, i was forced to.

an alleged CIDG officer arrogantly showed me his id, asking for my driver's license and citing me for a traffic violation. my first question was: did he have authority to cite traffic violations? i would admit anything that i did wrong. i was straddling lanes. i almost hit him but any form of apology i contemplated upon left my lips when the man in pambahay clothes and on board a motorcycle flashed an id card with huge red letters declaring CIDG with the most arrogant look on his face. so what if he was CIDG? when it came to traffic violations, we were equals. he was going too fast in his motorcycle and i was straddling lanes.

he was CIDG, he said over and over. he kept flashing the id with the big red letters and asked for my driver's license, which i refused to hand over since i had confirmed he had no authority to do so... until a point where i couldn't take his arrogance anymore. i kept asking if he had authority to ask for my license and he insisted "CIDG na nga ang kausap mo," not answering my valid question. exasperated, i pulled out my driver's license, which incidentally had my IBP id with it. then, all the arrogance went away.

he went away as quick as he came. yet, i still tried to get his name, practically shouting "anong pangalan mo, irereport kita?"

it's sad when you have to resort to trump cards (or rather ID cards) to put people in their places. there has to be some way to stop abusing the power of the ID card.

Song of the Day: We Will Rock You (by Queen)
Buddy you're a young man, hard man
Shouting in the street gonna take on the world some day
You got blood on your face
You big disgrace
Waving your banner all over the place

bill of particulars

And California seemed to draw you like a siren
From a postcard in a letter
Or a frame of film melting

i prayed for our happy ending.

i wasn't specific enough. all the signs pointed to him: the statue on a nightstand in jersey, the street we were looking for during a road trip, a wedding invitation to the city by the bay. i ignored them all and he found another on the east coast. i should have prayed for our happy ending... together.

Song of the Day: Under You (by Better Than Ezra)
You moved in slow degrees,
A sudden memory
You're a Leonard Cohen song
And every now and then I swear I'd see you standing
On a sidewalk, in a restaurant
In a taxi passing by

if you forget me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

- Pablo Neruda

restraining order

it's just perfect (insert sarcasm here). my internet connection stops going wonky long enough to rattle my nerves with an email and a friendster profile.

we should sign an agreement, i'll stay away from the city by the bay and he will not set foot on the city that never sleeps. it won't be forever, just until i exorcise the ghosts of lib affairs past... maybe after another three years.

deleting my friendster account proved to be a good move... i don't want us sharing the same networking site-- not now, at least.

Song of the Day: Here You Come Again (by Dolly Parton)
All you gotta do
Is smile that smile
And there go all my defenses
Just leave it up to you
And in a little while
Youre messing up my mind
An filling up my senses

for the nth time

with only vague moments and stolen glances to hold on to, the sound of a nickname destroyed the wall i had so carefully built to block the memories.

there are signs that lead nowhere and yet say that the torture will never be over and i will always be haunted by the ghost of lib affairs past. and somehow, no amount of exorcism will drive them out.

at night, i ask the stars: do the ghosts visit my samurai when he listens to the same songs or does the san francisco chill shield him from the cold brought on by the hauntings?

Song of the Day: Love Remains The Same (by Gavin Rossdale)

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending
Too much time, too long defending
You and I are done pretending
I never thought that
I had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far